Working In: Scott's At Home Work Outs

Nowadays, you see work out guides on every shelf at the grocery store. Tabloids like "How to get a 6 pack in 6 months!" or "Bye Bye Belly Fat!" are plastered on every page. These tabloids are claiming to give instructions on how to be "healthy" when they're really guides on how to live a miserable life. These guides are telling you to cut out every food you like, then go to a torture chamber (gym) and work out so you can't move in the morning. Sign me up!!

If you're like me, this is not your cup of tea.

Listen, there is no way I'm going to have a six pack that doesn't come in cans, that lifestyle just doesn't seem fun. A life without Doritos is no life for me. I'm more of a 10 pounds overweight guy. A pretty okay body size. This lifestyle allows you to eat what you want, but still look okay when you suck your gut in. However, having this temple of a body does not come easy. I stick to a strict work out regiment that, with dedication, will lead you to a pretty okay body. Don't worry, it doesn't require going to the gym because the machines are confusing and scary looking. These are my at home workouts that keep me in decent shape.

Pre-Workout

Alright, you finally got the energy to work out. You need to wear the proper attire. The ideal work out outfit requires the shortest shorts and the least amount of sleeves possible. You have two cannons, don't be afraid to show them off. You'll see that come into play later when I talk arms. But the shorts should always be as short as possible. They aid you with the stretching you do. My favorite way to get my legs going are lunges. These require grace and flexibility. However, it can be hard to stay dedicated to working out because it sucks so much. That is why I try to involve things I enjoy in my workouts. Below, you can see me feeling the burn and breaking a sweat, but also doing what I love.

Sit-Ups.
Ahh, the gut. The problem area for most people. However, not for me! The way I look at it, people don't like to party with six packs, they like to party with kegs. Also, having a bigger belly is just more fun, e.g. drumming on it, drawing on it, doing a wave with it. However, I always make sure to sneak in a sit up every once in a while, so it doesn't get out of control. Sit ups are the absolute worst, but you should always do at least one a day. I prefer to do mine in the mornings when I wake up.

One and Done.

Curls
This is where the sleeveless comes in. You got guns, bro. Show em off. The number one rule of working out is absolutely no sleeves. Since you show them off all of the time, you need to make sure that they are always in pristine condition. Sure, you can use dumbbells, but I always try to find something a little more 'Murrican. Here is the proper form:

Double McDouble Curls. Murrica.

Push-Ups

Push ups are a good core workout. These get the body burning and can really get you in shape. You should never cheat doing push ups. Don't cheat your body out of this good work out. These ones I actually do and I do about 200 a day. I can basically do them all day long. As you can see below, I have no issue doing them and I am really good at them.

Well that's it! You now all my secrets when it comes to maintaining my sub par build. Now you technically work out every day, good for you! If you stick to this work out plan, there is no doubt that you might get a girl. Now go home and get going!

How To [C]Harm The Ladies

So you finally got the nerve to ask that babe of a girl out on a date. If you want to win this girl's heart, you gotta do it the right way. You need to show her the real you, and nothing shows the real you like a pretty okay time. With my alright dating tips, you should be able to score that second date.

So Where Do You Go?

This is always a tough call. The location sets the tone for the date. Having it at a 5 star restaurant is too stressful because of all the forks they give you and having it at McDonalds is too good to be true, so you gotta find a place where you're comfortable. Where are you most comfortable? Your bachelor pad. Have her over to your love palace and treat her to a decent night. Make the place all romantic and such. Light some candles, spray your Old Spice body spray around the room, and get that mood set.

What To Wear?

This is your big night, man. In an ideal world, you would go for the James Franco look. But in all seriousness, you're gonna end up with the Seth Rogen look pictured below.

It's not a bad thing! Although you won't have the girls drooling over you, you'll get the pity "Awwww he's so cute in like a best friend way!" It may not seem like much, but let's be real, you'll take what you can get.

Despite what society may tell you, chicks really dig the pretty okay look. The loose and crooked tie shows that you could be professional, but you like to have a good time instead. Also, the sweat stains on your shirt are actually a turn on for girls. When they see the sweat marks, they think "Oh, he has sweat stains, he must have gotten them by working out. He must be ripped." Little do they know, you got them from going down 2 flights of stairs for the vending machines with the cinnamon pop tarts. Dress to kind of impress.

Date Time!

She's here! You hear her coming down the hallway and things start to get real. You start to panic. You run some mouthwash through your mouth and accidentally swallow some, you spray on some cologne but think you put on too much and now you're self conscious, the nerves are kicking in. But, don't let it get to you. Calm yourself.

When she gets there, you need to greet her with confidence. You don't want to keep her waiting, so open the door right after the second knock. It shows dedication. You should answer with a cute face and a pinch of sexiness. A perfect example is shown below:

Knock Knock. Who's There? Your future husband, that's who.

Now that she's there, it's time to get datin'.


You wanna cook her something that you know you're good at, and if there is one thing that pretty okay guys are good at cooking, it's cereal. Cereal is the universal love language. Everyone has a favorite kind and everyone eats it. It may not be the best meal, but it's a meal nonetheless.

If you play your cards okay, this is what your date will look like:

Love is kind of in the air!

See, this date is going pretty okay! She may be on her phone, but hey, at least she's still there! She's probably texting her friends saying how awesome of a time she is having.

If you notice, there are some very nice margarita glasses in front of us. I don't have anything nice to fill them with, but they look like I know what I'm doing, which is all that matters.

To set the mood, you should have some T-Pain playing in the background. Nothing says love making like the very average hit "Buy U a Drank." Chicks sometimes love that song.

The hard part about dates is keeping the conversation going. Conversations can be so hard to maintain, so it is crucial that you have your topics mapped out. Here are some of my go-to talking points for you to try out!

• Do you watch the show Everybody Loves Raymond? That grandpa is just so sassy!
• What do you think of the movie The Mummy? Brendan Fraser is such a good actor.
• What do you think of my new pair of New Balance sneakers?
• Have you tried the new special at Red Robin?

Your date will notice all of the sub-par efforts you are putting forth and see some potential in you. Seeing potential means potential second dates. Now that most of the date is complete, it is important to close it out strong.


The Goodbye

This is the worst part. The amount of stress that a man feels, when saying goodbye, is unreal. There is this awkward pressure to kiss her, but you don't know if she wants to, so you do like an awkward stare and wait for someone to make a move. Then you wonder if even a hug is appropriate. Should you just shake hands? But your hands are wicked clammy, so that will be embarrassing too. These sort of thoughts run through your head and you end up with this.

If all else fails, go with the high five

Goodbyes are just God awful. Just painful for everyone involved. I don't really have tips for this part. You just gotta put on your big boy pants and go through it.

After that, you're done! Overall, it should be a pretty alright night. You showed who you truly are and you treated her to a tolerable time. What else more can you ask for? After a night like this, you'll be getting chicks about once every 6 months. Not a bad spread! Now go out there and show some women just how pretty okay you are.

You Are What You Eat

Being an average guy can be very taxing on the body. In order to maintain a kinda healthy lifestyle, you gotta make sure sometimes you eat sorta the right stuff. So, today I'm going to give you my take on the incredibly okay sandwich shop, Subway.

Of course, I ordered an American classic...The Subway Club.


Let's check out the service, presentation, and taste.

Service:

So, we've all been to subway. You walk in to that awkward what-you-hope-is-bread smell and you see a fellow pretty okay dude like the one pictured below. We call these people, "sandwich artists."

For the safety of the artist's identity, we will call him Kinkade

 I walked up to Kinkade and he greeted me with a gentle "What's up, man." See, I like that. If he said something like "Hi, welcome to Subway, how may I help you?" I would feel like an ordinary customer. Kinkade didn't see me as another customer, but as a fellow man. How noble. Without asking what meat I wanted on it, he proceeded to shove the Italian loaf full of roast beef, turkey, ham, and, most of all, love. I could tell Kinkade and I were going to get along just fine. As I placed my order, he smiled in agreement, picked up his brush, and created art.

Presentation:

When I got home to feast, I unsheathed my excalibur of a sandwich, and sat in mild awe.

Behold the Glory that is Subway

As you can see, Kinkade did a stellar sub-par job with this sandwich. They were nice enough to rip the paper right where the sandwich split, so my hands got a nice little Sriracha shower. How refreshing. On the sandwich, I asked for lettuce and bell peppers. As you can see, Kinkade (with his artistic prowess), decided to put the lettuce and tomato on the side of the sandwich as a garnish. Classy move, subway. Classy move.

Taste:

When I bit into the sammy, I was overwhelmed with a very average flavor. The lettuce was beautifully wilted, the cheese was distributed unevenly, and the creamy Sriracha sauce did a great job drowning out any bad flavors. Great eat.

My Conclusion:

If you're looking for a simple sandwich that will leave you questioning why you didn't just make one yourself, this place is for you. It feels like it was created for average guys like me. The service was average, the presentation was underwhelming, and it tasted like a sandwich. What more could you ask for? All in all, if I could describe Subway in a couple words - it was pretty okay.

Why Me?

Alright, so you're here to listen to me blab on and give you life advice. With all of this life-changing advice I am giving, you must wonder why you should even trust me. Questions like, "What makes you so average?" or "Such a good looking man cannot be so average." Well, let me give you some info about myself to help strengthen my credibility.

My Looks

My looks are nothing special. I mean, I can look good sometimes, but I look pretty okay most of the time. I look dead average. If you walked by me on the street, you would probably just keep walking. Nothing special. 

You can see, from the background picture, that I have facial hair. From the outside, it looks like I'm a manly man who tries to look good by rocking a beard. That's not true. The beard is mostly due to laziness. I could shave, but that requires me buying $30 razors, walking all the way to the bathroom, putting on shaving cream and focusing on not cutting myself. That's just a lot of work. I prefer to just let it grow. It just happens, out of pure luck, that the beard looks somewhat good.

Also, my hair. it looks kind of edgy and out of the norm. You would think that I planned it out and I picked out the best haircut that accents my facial structure. Well that's not true either. My hair style originated form me sitting in the cheapest barber in New York City and just telling him to do whatever would look best. And hey, it seemed to turn out okay.

My Smart-ness

See, I don't even know if that's a word, but it sound cool so I'll stick with it. My grades and knowledge level are impressively average. In High School, I ranked 33rd out of a class around 65. It seems like I had to have tried to be that average. Also, I was exactly .02 grade points away from being on National Honor Society. Being in the society would mean I'm smart, but I'm actually juuuust a smidge below smart. Pretty smart.

My Love Life

I'm pretty decent with the ladies. I get friend zoned by most, but when I don't, I always seem to mess it up. In my life, I've had one real girlfriend. That's not a bad thing, or a good thing. It's an okay thing. This shows that I can have some success with the females. Its quite the skill.

That was a brief overview of my credentials. It wasn't much, but it was a glimpse into my daily life. Want to learn more? Perfect! Keep reading my posts and learn a little more about my struggles and how I can help you become to okay man that I know you can be!

5 Signs That You're a Pretty Okay Dude

FIRST POST OMG YAAYY!!

Alright, enough with that immature stuff. Let's get down to business. So the purpose of this blog is to give "pretty okay" people pointers on how to live pretty okay lives. I know what you're asking.

"But Scott, how do I know if I'm pretty okay?" 

Being an average person is something you gotta earn. I'm gonna give you 5 signs that will tell you if you're an average joe, like me.

1.) You go out for a nice hearty dinner at applebees. 

Alright, Applebee's isn't that bad! it's decent quality food for a decent price! What more could you ask for?

2.) You buy your shoes at Payless.

Nothing beats that almost- fitting shoe feel. Am I right?

3.) You love that new Maroon V song.

Adam Levine's voice is so high, yet so masculine. How does he do it. MAKE A BAD SONG FOR ONCE, WILL YA

4.) You have a firm stance on whether "The Voice" or "American Idol" is better.

American Idol is dead and The Voice is taking over. Sorry not sorry.

5.) You miss David Spade's work.

Joe Dirt 2 anyone?